Job Vacancy

I need a friend , as I can find no one around that I can talk to , share my life with , do stuff together, get back to when I feel like talking or doing whatsoever ,share my fears with ,my future dreams,plans ,doubts and silly life routine.
lean my back onto when I see it dark,hopless and not worth living.
Someone that able to handle those tough times we go through, Hence; I thought of posting it as a job.

*Here is the Job details:

Objective : a Friend is needed . " I need a friend and I need it badly."

Job Description :

Requirements:
1- male /female, but a male is preferably , as I 've learnt that women always have issues !
2-age: 29+ ,no place for ppl with middle age crisis .
3- Experience: 10 years + of Listening to ppl , recommendation of being a good friend from several friends,and the ability to share and Talk,not only listen !
4-Driving License: That can drive all the way just to see a friend in need.
5- Outgoing, vivid ,that we can go out together , go to events , moviez,go for coffee,go shopping ,whatsoever
6-Open to life , intellectual, open minded , well dressed is a plus.
7-Revolutionist but not activist .
8-Employed already ,as this is a part time job.and no place for losers
9-well educated and with good manners.I am sorry I can't stand it otherwise.
10-Self Confident , with a bearable ego,religious is a plus.
11-Done with the so so relationships,games,etc ;mature enough .
12-willing to travel."even share those naiive dreams of going to places and travelling the world if we can't afford it , just to enjoy the living dream"
13-Fun to be with.
14-Honest , I hate Liars, I just hate them , hate them hate them. no place for liars and cheaters.
15-a believer: still believes in butterflies in the stomach,love at first sight ,the one,perfect match,ever after love,and those out dated feelings,.. serendipity is one of his/her best movies.
16- Mounir fan is a plus , that we can go to his concerts together.
17-in love with sun,sand,and the sea.
Bonus: As terms of friendship, you will be invited in so many occassions to lunch ,dinner and coffee more often. I don't do gifts anymore in birthdays , but I can do that for you ,no problem.
*eligible for promotion :Best Friend if candidate proved his/her best in being a good friend.

Working Hrs: 24*7 with allowance for inconvenient hrs. 2days off aweek .and 30 days off along the year. public holidays are Off .

You may wonder by now, what is the salary , I can assure you it pays off, not in the terms of money I am sorry! but in the terms of friendship. you will find me there for you , I will be doing my best though,I am a good listener, and think I am fun to be with.

P.S: You don't have to send your resume, as the job opening is closed.Yea, I am sorry ,I reached out the point, that it is me who is not open to life anymore, not willing to open up, not anymore.
call it depression , frustration , or whatsoever.
sincerely,
your good friend.