Tuesday, June 28, 2011

I did find it back :)

Me, Myself :) That's what I just got that I found it back..
I 'hv been lost for long , long that I stopped counting
and finally I found myself back :)
Couldnt tell the reason ..or you may say it is a combination of many ones .
and all reasons really counted for me , with all the signs and sighs and glimpses of eyes ;)
I am gratefull for that feeling I am holding now , I am grateful for the sun I am sitting in now.
I am grateful for everyone helped me get there .
I am willing and hoping that it lasts for long ..as long as it was lost at least :)

I am full of vibes , positive energy and fun..That I am afraid that it could be flushed away by traffic jam ! or whatsoever !
I wish if I can reserve this eneregy .. that I never lose it again.
That i put it in a sacred place , where no one can ever reach to it ! that I use it whenever I am blue ! who is blue anyway !!
I know I might be affected and turned upside down the first step I go out from here ! but I still wish I can have it all and have it for long..
inneR calm and peace of mind..and that all revloving around You. :)
P.S: Listening to Soa'd Massi ..and guess that is one of the reasons that I feel good now :)and that brings back good memories as well..
feel young ..so YOUNGgggggggGGG:)

Saturday, June 11, 2011

the urge to TALK

Today , I felt like I am the only one FAT left on earth . and it felt so bad and so sad.
I gained so much weight lately , even if it was predictable , yet it wasnt really excused !
I always thought I will be able to lose those extra Kilos ! i will sure manage ! I have seen all others doing it so what will stop me !
and then since the cycle started ...I never got to reach the point of loosing weight.at least how it should pace.
I have tried so many times ! that I lost counting..I have tried and tried, and the more I tried the more I failed ! I was never a failer at that ! but the fact is I am stuck at home most of the day ! not doing my activities as used to ! not even excercising is putting a hell of weight too on my shoulders !
I wanted to buy a trademill , I even went to buy it like two times, and each time I was stopped for some reason , and now it seems delayed..for some time :S
offfff, you know how it feels when you dont feel good about yourself ? This is how I feel now
I was getting used to it I admit , though I never had in mind that I will. i was always reminding myself it is a phase ! I intended not to buy new clothes at first , in order to encourage myself to lose weight and be fit in my old ones..you know what ? I got more depressed and felt awfull That I have nothing that fits ! so I am stuck in only few chemises or so !
so I baught new stuff, and the more I buy the more I get used to it ! I never felt good about it amd today I just feel awful ! everyone's either slim or fit and me just like a fat old woman !
i hate it hate hate hate hate..and resent it here , hoping that would give amotive for me to act !
yes, I will try over and over again..I shouldn't quit that easily ..presistence ..
ohhh..just wish if I wake up finding myself lost those extra kilos..
I miss the way I looked , I miss my looks badly
I miss my clothes .
and miss that shopping where I can buy whatever I like and easily fits not looking for big sizes !
oh ! bad bad bad..and I see it gettin worse.
wish me luck , strenght..and...to be continued.