Sunday, March 29, 2009

I am Back !

I thought of de-activating my page !
I thought of deleting it !
I thought of closing it down !
I thought of gettin rid of it !

I had so many negative thoughts and feelings , I still hold some !

I thought I can let my anger out !
I thought I can cry out loud !
I thought I buried it in !
I thought I am dealin with it !

I thought ! I tried !
and..
I failed...
So,here I am .

Nothing got any better !
Am stuck ...
and can't really go anywhere !

I am back and not really back..
I still hold the anger ! I still hold the gun !
I just wish if I just can...

ShoooooooT

Monday, March 16, 2009

Shopaholic me !


I am a shopaholic Freak! I have to admit it.


I once wrote about the chocoholic me , and now it's time to reveal the shopaholic in me!


I know ,I can live with it ,but I just need a sponsor :D ! to pay my debts and take care of the bills!

I love it when I go shopping , I feel good about myself, I feel Happy, I forget about my troubles, my pain,my sorrow..I just let go for everything annoying including money ;) and welcome a plenty of bags in hands :)
you know about that saying, when you feel down, go for shoe-shopping, coz definitely you will find there somthing fit you and you will feel happy about it..I do so !

The shopping mall now is one of my favorite places , if I have nothing to do I go to the mall ! if I am blue I go to the mall ! if I have money I sure head to the mall..

and even when I don't I just hit the road ! I can spend there a whole day ! I mean it, goes up to 13 hrs and more..I can go on a daily basis.I love malls,I love shopping!

It feels bad to go shopping without a real budget for that..coz I always find stuff I like and I would regret not buying them if I don't ! .... the image of it doesn't really leave me, that I have dreams of it :night and day ones :) "

I always feel sorry if I don't buy what I like at once " I ever felt sorry for stuff I hesitated to buy , and took my whirl to find out it's already sold out".hence, I always buy what I spot my eye on and feel like...I don't think twice , I just offer my credit card and have the bag in my hand !


"I too sometimes feel bad about that ,coz a shop two steps ahead could be holding something better waiting for me there of same category I was shopping with sometimes better price! ,hence I regret buying stuff at first sight"..I can never tell which is better, to have a look over all shops(which is hectic enough,giving the chance that you might find your thing sold out by end of your tour), or just shop at once! at first sight !

I too sometimes feel sorry for stuff I buy and never use" long list here "..or stuff I buy and find out they don't really suit or fit !.(yes,I buy stuff up to 2 sizes larger or smaller sometimes! coz I liked the model and didn't find my size..I buy the avialable,persuading myself that I will fix it...if it is in smaller size, I will lose weight for that, for the opposite,I will fix it someway!.insane! I know!

There is stuff I just exclude from my closet coz I have seen the local copy-cat form ! (which I hate..dislike...) with low material and cheap prices !

I can't love mine then"the trendy brand with high price" , though I know I spent a great deal on that ! yet I just cut it out!

I think I hold "302det el khawaga "...that I feel good when I am wearing in brands, although , I have lots of stuff in local ! and I do wear them ! and don't deny the fact they are local ! I donno!but I just love brands!

I go for shopping everyonce in a while , I lose all my savings" if I ever do " on that,

my shopping mainly goes for clothes,bags,shoes,accessories,lingerie...etc
But when it comes to Bags and shoes "inc. flipflops" I am a maniac !

I live with my parents, hence, I don't really need to buy stuff for the house, yet when I go to carrefour,or any hyper market, I too can't resist buying stuff for home !..I get shocked by end of da shopping day for stuff I had to pay for and not really gonna use " non clothes".and even mom complains about that too ! coz I bring over stuff she really doesn't need ! I donno ! But I like getting stuff for home too...I love doing the grocery shopping, buying all those kinds of cheese! yummii..I love cheeese..bread,croissants ..in addition to fresh vegetables..it feels good buying those too!

I buy whatever! whether I am gonna use it or not , whether I really need it or not ! I just do ! coz I like to!

I sometimes go for jeans shopping , and I am determined that I will not buy anything but jeans! and I return home with many bags with NO jeans ! coz I simply couldnot find the jeans I am looking for and couldn't resist something I liked at some shop! or I just lost track and didn't look for the jeans in my shopping!

I am not always okay with it ! to be honest ! I sometimes feel bad of the attitude :( !
yea I do, even when I just had a great shopping, yet the feeling of buying stuff just to please yourself not that you really wanted them while there are others "on earth..in your town, your country..other place in bad need for food,etc.."makes me feel sad.and the sense of guilt then kills me.. I can give myself hardtime on that, and I feel sad for over spending money and sometimes exceeding the budget by far just for the sake of shopping !

I wokred on that , I really tried to..I stop myself from going to malls,or I go and dont really wander the place and check out all shops that i like ! or I pre-agree with myself that I will be only spending X , and by no means I shall exceed that amount X.."I always fail in that"

or I just leave my credit card at home ,and I don't go with cash ( but even with that,i could get away with it.. I asked the girl at the shop to reserve it for me till I get home and bring the money back...loser me)

I know I may sound helpless, a loser or even a real shopaholic!

I tried, I am tryin ,will still try..to work on it.

I admit it , I know I have a problem, and I really dont wanna live with it!

Coz not only I don't like it, I like it as I starrted my talk with ! , but to a certain limit..

being moderate is a cause
a shopaholic is NOT what I really want to !

Friday, March 13, 2009

I still miss you Mom

I still miss you ,
I even miss you more..
I wish you were here now ,,
I feel lonely,,so lonely,,
no one is here,
no one is listening , nor is reading !
I need you now.
Please come back soon...Please.
I love you ,, I do feel the word whenever you are not around me ! I always love you , but in a time like this..when there is nobody but you to listen to me , and pamper me..I know then that I miss you loads and love you more.
Hope all is well where you are, and that you get back home soon..
sooner please.
love you ma
sealed with a tear
kiss

Friday, March 6, 2009

...........................................

She is blocked !
beware I just could !
You could be my next !
No One ! I will be missing !
I'm only giving you a Hint !
though it was never meant!
That was my first attempt!
Could you stand my bet ?
a hell to come yet!

........................................................

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

.........................................................

I wonder ! why you come and go
and Never really say Hello !

.........................................................

Mazzika Tag...

I was tagged by Brownie , to do that musical tag..and I have to admit it,
Doing it was real fun ..and the answers are just Hillarious and Unexpected:)

____________________________

RULES:

1. Put your iTunes/music player on Shuffle,
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer,
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT!!
After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do it themselves.
_______________________________________

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Everybody’s changing by Keane
(ouf! seems this game has got some meaning behind it ! coz this answer rings so many bells in my head)

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Brothers in arms..Dire straits
(hmmm! I am all ears now ! )

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
You fill up my senses ,John Denver
(Oh My GOD ! this is hillarious !!:) Oh yea, I would like him to fill up my senses :)) this one is of my favorites really! I started to love the TAG thing.....)


4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Greetings By Hamza ElDin !
(I donno who the guy is ? And didn't know the song,I think I never heard about them both before ! I even had to wait till I hear some singing to start as it is 7:44 minutes ! and when he started to sing; it was still unknown for me ! I donno even how it is installed there ! weird!I too couldnot tell from the lyrics if the Greetings is smth I am /like or not! he sounds sudanese or smth! )


5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Nassam 3alayna elhawa...Fayrouz:)
(I just love the song)



6. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
hehehehe, I couldnot stop laughing at this one :D:D
the song was: Ghareeba by Mohamed Mounir ....
Hillarious:) coz yea, this is true :) me strange..ghareebat alatwar )


7. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
ya waa3dy 3l ayam by Mounib
(hehe:) I can't stop laughing really :)


8. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Hossam Habib..e7tart ma3ak
(hehehe, yeah ..I really e7tart ma3ah "he got me confused :) ", and that what keeps my brains busy:)


9. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Dale Don Dale ...Don Omar
(I didn't know that I still have this one On ! I have to remove it then, coz I dont like it anymore ! hmm,i just figured out the relation between the song and my best friend ! God ! )


10. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Here with me...Dido
(yesssssss:))
Here with me..though the song is about leaving really, but the title works ha!
Here with me
specially the song goes like :
I am what I am
I do what I want
I can't hide
I won't go
I wont sleep
I cant breathe,
until you're resting here with me


11. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
In my arms.. Mylo-Mylo.. " radio mix" >>>trance
(I am glad I ran away with that , before everybody knows about my life story :) )


12. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
sa7 ya bada7 ...Mounir again
(hehehe:) oh yea, sa7 ya bada7 fe3lan :)...there is a part of the song when he says: ah ya nahr maballesh 7atta el ryee2 , ah ya bara7 3ammal beydyee2 ;))

13. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Esma we nassib ...Mounib
(hehehehe:)) to that extent ! :))) ya 7aram,se3bo 3allaya :))) hehehehe..LOL ,Oh my goddd :)))

14. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
3eneiky ta7t el 2amar..Mounir again and again !!
(though the mp3 player has like 300 diff songs to buncha of other singers,yet, it keeps on getting ones for Mounir! :) ,but I will not dance on that one though! )


15. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
7abaytak wel shawq...fayrouz
(yepppiii..though they will do Quraan then, no songs on that day please! yet I love the meaning..that I will be loved and missed :)))


16. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
2al sa3ban 3alaih...sherine
(2al ;) 2oulooulo 2al el zou2 7assas :)))


17. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Om el rahat...Mounib
(nothing to tell here :) )

18. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Enta el-7ob ...Um Kolthoum
(Speechless..yes:) ..what are friends for again :(


19. WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Rabbak howa el3alem..Mounib
(Rabbak howa el3alem fe3lan :) )


20. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOURSELF?
I'd die for you (acoustic)..BonJovi
(Oh yea..True...I would die for you..Just a great ending for that quiz, I wished it didn;t, I enjoyed it really :)

________________________________________

Thank you Brownie for tagging me in this, it was real fun doing it :) and the answeres I got really made me laugh :)
and here is my turn to tag : I.inside , 3mry and seher.
And whoever read it and think of doing it, It's fun !
Just post a link back to your post in my comments that I can check it out and share the fun.

Enjoy :)

Monday, March 2, 2009

What if game ?

What if you give someone *close a present " cadeau" , for some special occasion or whatsoever really..and you get an answer like :

1- Aw ! what's that ?
2- Couldn't you just manage to get me something better ?!
3- I am sorry I don't like !
4- ............."feel free to fill it out with what most could annoy you"


What if your present was something to wear ....and the answer was:

-Sorry , it doesn't fit me!

Too many situations and scenarios I can think of ! and the wrong answers can't stop hitting me !

Is it okay to really say it out ? a wrong answer ? maybe in the clothes scenario,as what's the use of it afterall if it doesn't fit ? although I still think I can fake it, if it is only a matter of color or a trend I don't like!

and I really think giving something to wear as a present is a heavy choice !! risky ! and you can never tell what you will get as a response ! however, life doesn't give us much of choices here, and we sometimes go for it...and in so manytimes we choose to though !

SO, what if I get the wrong answer as a reply ! How should I act then ?..shall I take my present back?!..and deal as if I never knew that person ? shall I punish him/her for saying his /her opinion out ? shall I offer them to change it ?? Shall I ...... ??

What if it's me ,saying a wrong answer ! what I am expecting then ? really ?? a Hug back !


Other than the wear thing , what is the Ideal answer you are most likely waiting for ?
1- Oh! amazing ! ..I love you!
2- wow ! you read my mind ! That what I was planning to buy a week ago !
3- Perfect choice ! I really love it, Thank you.
4- just a Thank you.
5-just a smile .
6- Non stop Compliments
7-.....Feel free to fill it out too with most thing you would like to hear then....

I know a couple of people who really can't fake it ! and they let it out ! whatever really !
I think it is rude ! I do ! Though me, myself find it hard to fake those feelings ! yet I think of being polite and doing the least thing in return with smiling and saying Thank you!

And afterall ,You Can't wait till you get a gift back from that same person you just did to, and it is either a "revenge time " or a rewarding one :)
* P.S : Close here ,close friend, was chosen on purpose, to make it harder on you ! as it isn't easy to lose a close friend if he just says a wrong answer! though a wrong one still aches !specially when it comes from a close one !!
meanwhile he/she supposedly should not lie about it and say it !! coz between really close ones , you can say everything STILL it hurts if you get a wrong answer ! so what if ?
yet,I would like to map it on non-close ones too ! will it make it any easier then ??

I am not in love with myself today !

I am not in love with myself today !
I am bored ! I feel the cold !
I am strained ! helpless and SANE !


Play the game ! pretend you 're there !
I will do the rest ...Expect the worst !

Sorrow ! pain !
Hope ???
....in VAIN !