Sunday, September 12, 2010
all the negative thoughts in the world are just attacking me .
Regrets and more regrets ..are just what my brain is filled with.
few years back I was givin reason for being so , but now it sours more cuz the reason is not there anymore ! and I shouldnot feel this way !
Dislike , Hate , Anger , frustration , depression , Release , free will , Regret , Wish , You , and Y.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
I love you , you know I do, I wrote about it though..when I wanted to say the 10 things I hate about you and thought of starting with the 10 thing I like first..but I am ready now to go for your worst 10..I am sorry babe, but I need you to listen or maybe I just need to say them out !!
and plz dont get me wrong ...and start it ! " you not that bad "!!I know..but in so many times I just cant get out that one I used to love out of my mind !!I need him back!! thats the one I loved ,and wanted to be with! thats the one when I re-read his msgs make me feel high ! ..and wasnt doing so to get changed later on ! no ! need it in the way it was on , in the first place !
I am just not feeling well recently ,just recall all the things I dont like , and cant see any of the I Like !,no hard feelinsg Pleaze..if you ever had the chance to read it , I would say it is better to communicate it , talk about it , instead of hiding it ! and you too hv the right to tell yourside of story..
..but you have some attitude that really gets on my nerves !!! ..so Here you go for your dONT-like 10.
I would summarize them up and say , I hate it when you miss doing anything of those 10 (plz refer to 10 things I love about you )...actually you are missing them ALL now.. ALL , I can't find anything that you still do ! as if we were two different persons then ! So Strange how ppl say they would never change about stuff they know they shouldnt ,they promise that they will not, and in a day n night ! they are totally not those old ones ! not anymore..( Please have a look over them again..you need to ! from time to time plz!!) ..but Nah, I can say 'em out the way I really dislike if not hate about you.
I hate it..coz you miss calling my nickname , you miss phone-calling me through the day just to tell " I love you " I miss you ....any of this sort..I miss those sms's along the day , phone calls..messages in my inbox , I miss seeing myself in youreyes !! I miss this LOOK you used to give me when you showed me you are in love ! I miss this playing hard to get !! I miss those compliments ! I miss this feeling of being loved...I miss the LOVE word to be said in situations unexpected , along the day , in a msg ..in a gesture ! in whatever like old days ...
I miss the feeling of being loved..I miss the feeling of being missed..I miss the feeling that you wanted nothing but me..I miss the feeling that I mean the world to you ..
I feel Lonely ..n my loneliness is killing me, I used to hv this feeling before you showed up , but you filled that GAP, you used to..n you not anymore..and it aches more, and feels terrible the loneliness now, coz I am supposeably having someone in my life and i am that LONELY.
it is like I should go do stuff again alone , find no one to talk to , if ever talked..turn out to be a fight..you dont understand me ! you dont..
you not the outgoing person I used to know, you dont hold any of the things I used to love in you ! the spirit ! listening to me ! looking for events and things just to please me ! being there for me ! crazy..overwhelmed..wize..Responsible and can handle his stuff in addition to mine !! but you just delegate most of them ..you are okay with so many things I am not !
where is the planning ? and on the spot to do things ? where are you ???? was that the life style you wanted to have ? was it me who you wnated to share your life with ?? do you see me ?? do you feel ?
I miss seeing my nickname on your phone!!you changed that for looong.
! I miss my ringtone ! I miss you singing to me !
I miss hearing how hard you wanted me to be with you..I miss those events and everything you were doing hard to let me feel happy..
I hate it , when we go to moviez and act like old couples , who already been ages with each...when the movie is quite bad n you dont stop complaining about it ! cusring the day that you been to it !! though months back you were okay about it ! and you were saying the good thing is to be with me ! no matter how bad the movie is !! do you recall that !!
was that a pretend ?! was that real ??
I hate it that I dont see the one I fell in love with...the so much activities and plans he used to do , the spirit to do anything new and cool..he wouldnt mind travelling if it was okay with me ! he would do anything really to make me feel happy..and now he doesnt bother much about that I guess..you not the outgoing person I used to know !
I hate it when You don't stop crticizing me !! you give me hard time by that !! the thing is there is no more compliments so its like I am bad all the time !! even on my looks !
I hate it when I come up to you to discuss smth about our relationship and you turn it out to be a "fight"..though we should "talk and communicate" everything..thats what we should do !! thats what we agreed on in the very beginning ! Do you recall ! How funny you always blame it on me though !
- I hate it ,when you then blame it on me later ! that I am pushing you ! though i really watch it! yet i want to let out my fears! doubts ! whatever!and you need to accept them ! and deal with it..and make it ease on me! IT gets on me on away you will never know ! need to burst,to let them out..if not with you , with who !
- I hate it "lamma betghlat keteer"..you started to do that all the time, you dont watch your tangue! not anymore ! you just easily say stuff you know you shouldnt ! like "ana zehe2et.enty moftrayyea,oufff,,yooooh..when you have nothing to say but : hata3qbeeny ? howa ana fel madrasa 3andek?...etc. all of this really.....msh 3arfa a2oul eih ! cant find a proper word to tell you how bad those ones make me feel ! and feel like we have never met before ! and we cant agree to a certain level of comunication to deal on ?...you know i can do the same ! but i really dont want to ! it ll only get matters worse !!..it is a bad indication..again n again , that shouldnt be our way of dealing ! cant be so !Needless to mention , that you mentioned the word or was close enough >> which is smth not easily forgotten , nor forgiven , I will talk about it seperately in another post....this one still kills me..still freaks me out...still make me cry everynow n then..whenever I am blue, I dont see or recall anything but this one....I wish if i just can erase it ! could you !
i hate it when you hang up on me, without even caring to call back ! when you know am crying ! yet you do nothing ? when i re-dial your number ,coz i just wish you say a nice word and then we can make it up, but all you do then is gettin it way worse ! and hang up on me times n times..n you just do nothing !! but hanging up on me !
when i am on the verge of breaking down, and you ..? nothing ? doing nothing ? you know it gets on me, and on my nerves,and it gets on me physically !!.. you have seen it happening ! i been through....and you know !! I hate it when you see me crying and you do nothing about it , as if I am abusing you or blackmailing ! you know I am not ! a tender word. and a hug would have solved it ! dont leave me so ! it kills me..especially I hv no control over it , u know !! I pray that I never never cry again infront of you..ever.
am down,you know,it is getting on me..and you dont realyze it ,dont get it..
am affected,yet you dont notice me! it takes you ages to realyze that ,n then its like.okay i am sorry! ha3mllelek eih ya3ny !
you dont notice how physically , mentally destroyed I am ! you dont see it ?
each time we hv sucha fight / misunderstanding i feel like collapsing,no one's rescuing me..and you just leave me there drawning...I am nt only sad !!
I am depressed !!!
The one I am in deep love with , he only leaves me " sometimes for days" just like that ! without any gesture.
I am..speechless..in fact i am crying.
1- Hate it when you just being stubborn ,and working your brains to take whatever decision..am stubborn too ! yet I try to work on it most of times, but I see you not !
2- Hate it when you just drive me home without asking me to, just cause we had a fight or hard argument, you decide to drive me home and drop me off ! I hate that !....
I hate it when you too do it coz I am not in a "good"mood !
I have mood swings, you know that, I work on it, yet you have to accept me happy and sometimes not ! when I am blue ! whenever ! I guess I do so too? no ?
3- I hate it when you play smart of skipping some info you should have told,and say it when it is already late ! and pretend that you just forgot ! though I know it is amatter of sharing ! you sometimes dont ! which brings us to number 4
4- I hate it when you don't share it, when I can see it , feel it, yet you don't share it..I just hate it, and feel we are quite distance apart,.and it is funny when you blame it on me if i dont share in return ! you hv to give in order to take !
5- I hate it when you sometimes fake excuses to not see me , go out with your friends..whatever, you have away in that , when you just don't say it directly ! you should do ! there is nothing harm about it !
6- I hate it when I am out with friends and you always call just to give me hard time on being late and that I should be home already..though it is not even late yet ! though you let me go home way later than that !! and I am driving alone you know !!
I hate it when you just give me hard time when you know that I am having agood time !
7- Number 7 had been deleted.
8- I hate sleeping over a fight , I always asked for a make up before we sleep ! you don't do it!
I try to call , I call so many times to grab a talk and solve it down, yet you always choose to sleep and talk it in the morning...though I prefer we do it over the night, that we go to bed without any hard feelings !
9- I hate it when you hang up on me, and I think you should be calling again, or the talk is not finished yet, or I still miss you , or we had a fight and we still should talk, or when you know am sad or blue yet you do nothing.....too many scenarios to tell, i was waiting for a call after you hang up on me...and you never called ! which makes me feel way bad then
10- hate it when you wake up in the morning thinking that everything should be okay " after a fight" though we didnt solve it or anything ! I dont have the button which you press on and become cool ! i sleep over a fight and wakeup over afight..till we make it up!
i just can't ignore the fact there is a fight and someone close who is givin me hard time and went to sleep before fixing things..and he is up in the morning as if nothing happened! No !
11- I hate it ,when you in SO MANYTIMES miss my hand ! yes,,you do it alot...specially in public!! I hate that !! I hate it ! and then you offer it to me later ! I told you I love it when we hold hands! everywhere ! it means everywhere ! I really hate it when you miss it ! or I just feel you don't want to in public !
>>>> and that You dont do anymore ..... no
12- I hate it,when you can go to some places alone,concerning formal occassions,I would really wish that I would be there always with you..that you feel it , and that you too want me there with you ! that you want to be seen with me ! and want to have me there wherever !
some guy of your firends do so and I dont think I nver heard you complaining about it !
13- I hate it when You lie..I hate it..even if small or whatsoever..I hate it.
14- I hate it when you dont pray in times..when I don't remind you , you easily can skip some!
15- I hate it when you dont give me a feedback I think I deserve , or normally I would get.
in so many occassions and blah..a feed back was a must ! and you don't communicate that !
16-I hate it that till this moment, you didn't ......... ! I can't say it out ! but , you know how angry , mad , depressed me about that ! funny thing that you already know ! and always say you will do!
17-hate it when you give promises that you dont keep ! you do so !
you say stuff you not capable of doing ! you are not honest with yourself nor with me
I exceeded the 10..I thought I wont ! coz I love you madly...
But..I cant ignore those things I mentioned above..and coz I love you , I am saying them out..
I wish we together get over everything or anything that may disturb our relation.
I love you.
thats why I feel sad badly when you mis-treat me.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
How many days and nights I thought You will never get back !
How many times I thought it is a pay back !
But now , I am only Happy that You're back ..even if I couldn't face you with it , even if I can't talk about it..or show it. But Happy still :)
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
I hate it when you turn me down like this...
i hate it when you dont feel it though u sure of it !
i hate it when you ignore it though u know how pure ,strong and deep it is.
i hate it when my love is the cause of my hurt...
i hate when i feel am weak just cause i love you
i hate it when you play the 15 yrs old guy .. and nt taking any responsibility upon ur shoulders
i hate it when you take me for granted
i said it over n over
n for always i will
Do not take me for granted..
you have to give in order to take..you hv to listen inorder to talk
i am afraid i regret it one day...my luv to you
i am afraid you just become some other one i never met or loved
i am afraid that you go on this way and i just quit this game
i can not always be like this and you cant always be like that..
i cant be understanding
i am mad
yes i am..
For the way you Do and way you Do not.
For all the luv we had..for all the dreams we shared...for all the fun n laughter we once had
for all the moments i will always live to cherish..i ask you to be there for me as long as I need you...Be the one I loved..be YOU...who you really are...coz i hve always loved you for who you are...you are so good...too good to be true you know...but you in so many times just put that good one aside and let the evil part play around..you just dont hv to show him to me...coz i am not in luv with him !!!..it just scares me and it gets the worst out of of me....
I luv you
You know i do
you know i will always do.
But i cant take the evil irresponsible part...please take this one back and send me my beloved !
I need him..i need him to assure me that everything will be alright
i need him to tell me not to worry
i need him to remind me how much he loves me
i need him to pay all that effort to gain my heart
i need him to sing me as he used to do for long
i need him to txt me just before he goes to bed
i need him to be there for me even before i ask him that
i need him to build our home n i dont mind it with a pet
i need him to share all the love i always had.
i need him to care about me as much as i do even when we are apart
i need him to dream of havin kids from me as i always thought of that
i need him to understand if um down and to please me if i am ever sad.
i need him to be there for me always..
and i promise you the same..
You just need to understand me and then ...i will never complain.
I love you...I will always do
but i can not do unless you too.
P.S : I love you
no need to read btw the lines..who needs to write there anyway !
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
even if I know that I won't be able to do so ! Even if I know I am not willing really to.
yet I wish it can come true!*
I just want you to feel deserted , desperate and left alone !
I want you to taste the uglyness I have been living in alone .
your support is not enough , not even close !
you will say you do your best ! I say your best is blessed when I am in rest otherwise try to show the rest!
Desperate , lonely and Depressed.
* I am no Devil , yet the Evil sometimes gets to me ! I work on washing those thoughts away,as I still wont wish smth bad to anyone!never.