Wednesday, December 31, 2008

No Plans for new yearz Eve !

I have no plans so far for new year's eve , it is not like I must celebrate it or though ! at all !
It is just a day as any other day , yet I am missing some concert I used to go to in new yrz eve.

This year I am not goin to , for so many reasons actually , on top : Gaza and whats happening there ! how can one be celebrating with fire and kill on borders ! with the helpless Gaza !
let alone , my fiance who wasnot willing to go for it this yr, coz of the crowd and bahdala we faced last yr.
anywayz, the concert is cancelled " from the sponsors themselves " ..empathizin Gaza .

I do not mind sittin at home , watchin TV , most likely it will be followin NEWS channels, which will bring more sad here ..who is not sad for whats happening in Gaza !

This night brings back memories,so long ago , when I used to sit at home and watch Tv , with my whole family around ..we watch a movie masalan " sooo many yeras back was scent of a woman :) how i still recall that ?!! "
or we watch a live concert, or just surfing between european channels to see the celebrations world wide ..I recall too, that we used to make a delivery order that night , most likely Burger and pizza..we eat and eat ...then ne2az2az lebb :D couldnot be said any better ! :)
ouff..those days were really good !

I too recall that in so many times I used to hv exams on 1st of Jan , so the new years eve was a nightmare too ! lots of studies, pain that I am not sharing with family this tradition " unless for the burger part "...I feel like 7aramouny mn ahham 7aga ! watchin Tv that night ! Oh god , those days I dont long !

Also, there were times when I used to go for some house parties, not a raving party ..that was like aparty held at one of my friends houses , for girls mainly , we talk , dance , and sure eat too !..that was good too , was fun indeed..i miss those ones.

years later , i had in my routine that concert which is taking place every year same time , which I am not goin to this yr .

My Finace , you should have planned for that ahead ? I donno ! I know I am not into having this night as aspecial thing ! as i mentioned earlier it is an ordinary night.
yet , I used to hv some plan about it , and this year as long as we are together , I think " THINK " you should hv planned smth for both of US together! maybe it could have been some fancy dinner? some...I donno , it is you who should have done the thinking!!..but you just didnot ! at all! you just showed you are nt into the concert and didnt give any alternatives ! though I stressed on you doin the choice and plan ? yet You didnt :(
am not in the mood anyway ...but I wouldnot mind you having plans for it again ..but you just didnt !! good for you that it comes along my not so good mood..and feeling that we cant be doing anything ..the least we can do for Gaza . words will ever be enough support and show that we all here are praying for you
rabenna ma3ako we yonsorko ya rab ...
with love sealed in tears to Gaza..
Kollena Gaza.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Here is a Year to Go , another to Come ?!!

I have to admit it , it is not my fav time of year ! at all ! Someone once told me it is related to my Sign and so , I am not so good in Zodiacs but I heard libras are affected ! I really do not know ! anywayz, am not so convinced , yet I can tell that I am not feeling well specifically this time of year, which happens every year..
It goes for months actually , lets say for the winter time ?However I love winter , love it when it rains , yet there is depression! I do not know the reason beyond it ? is it in the air ? I donno !
I ever thought coz I used to be single before , and winter was always like stressin on idea ! coldness and lonliness part ?! it is affectin my mood generally...but C'mon I am not single anymore ? so what is it ?
Maybe I am still not used to the idea that I am not single anymore !, and coz I have been single for loooong,it is a whole life actually..maybe coz of that , that feeling is well built in , and became like essential to me which I canot get rid of !! I donno !

along with this feeling, A year goes by.. 2008 only having 5 days left...counting down already started , yeah..and another one to come..a Brand New Year.
at this time of year I too love to watch out , sit and analyze, how was the passing year ? and what I am looking for in the coming one?
How was 2008 ? hmmm, was one of worst I guess, if i talk about the living we do and what the world been facing ..I Can say it went way worse !!..takin into consideration all the killing and violence this yr had. "especially locally here in town ".

apart from this, and personally , I would say..that yr was cool for some part and the other was just not..I dont want to go into details about it anyway.
But I too know , the year held so many things so many dreams which some of 'em came true el7amdulellah..some are still pending action.

I Accomplished not so bad goals along the way , yet I am still affected by my mood , which leaves on me the impression that it wasnot a so good year ! was it ??

2009, what I am expectin from you ? I always write down by the new yrz eve what I am lookin to achieve in the new sit by end of yr " as I am doin now " to see what I got and achieved and So.
2009 ..just the number scares me ! I was one of those who thought everything will happen by the yr of 2000 ! and when I wanted to say like " it ll never happen " i used to say insha2allah in 2000 ,and 2000 passed and I had to increase the number hence, 2007 had been madly used!! when it comes to 2009 it will be like hard to say ! hard to guess !

1-I wish Peace,that comes among my first wishes to you, peace for me , my family and whole world.
No more wars please, no more killing , no more violence, no more Please!

2- I wish..." You know it , I dont hv to name it , but I will let you know it , I ever wished I get marry before the age of 30 , and I still do..and regardless to the age thing , I wish me and 3mry get married soon.I wish he becomes the best groom ever !"related to the wedding we always argue about "! best lover ! best husband !best Dad to my kids later! I need him to be best in everything as best as I will try to be too! it is relative I know ! but I wish I find him always listening , understanding , loving , caring , faithful ,.....and sweet to me .

3- I wish I accomplish my goals at work and build my career really well , and get promoted and maybe looking for a raise too :)

4- I wish I have a great House, which I furnish on my way...want it to be beit saye3 :)
I always wished it to be with a garden ,a golden retriever dog ..swimming pool..kefaya keda:)
5- I wish I go for pilgrimage and 3omrah this year. ya rab.
6- I wish as always, I get better, religious wize...the spiritual part is always affecting all parts and on me especially , so I really wish I work on that one , and get way better.
7- I wish I become a good wife , and mom later..I wish I cook .do all stuff brilliantly , meanwhile I still be myself ..I am freaked out that I get transformed or I just fail doin home stuff !..I need to be a superwoman..I wish though.

I like to stop at number 7 , my fav number , though I still hv lots of wishes and..I wish they come true this yr.
Love , happiness and Peace
Happy New Year :)

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Cheating on your wife's back ??!!

I do not know why I am exactly writing this ! All I know that I am thinkin of that girl all day long !
She is a single mom with two adorable kids.

The girl's blog , I passed by ! by chance , through globalvoices , as some post of it was published on it today .and once I got to check it out , I was completely attracted ,attached and captured to Oblivia.

I know for some reason that I felt pitty for her , reminds me of one of things I always say to myself and had to do to my fiance , is that..I canot buy is not an option ! I cant eat it ! i am sorry !
and I was always sorry for all the moms , and women around who passed through it , and I guess I saw many living examples, some agreed on surviving and tryin to forgive for kids sake " which myself I see they never forgave anyway , they just couldnot , so their life and kids was a livin hell "..,well some others couldnot take it , and got divorced , some could go on, some paused and stopped in time.
but I know that the cheatin on one's back is PAIN that no one can tell how it feels ! n you cant ask a woman to forgive that though.
And I just can not think of one reason that would make a husband do so to his family and his beloved wife ! why so ?! Girl, I dont want to make it any harsh on you..I really dont mean to.
It is just one of things I ever thought of ! and one of the things that always kept me away from marriage idea..the fact is all men are " 3einhom zaygha "..canot be satisfied with one woman ! even if she is Ms Universe ! he will still look for some ordinary girl to convince himself that he has needs that he didnt find in that first one who was to be Ms Universe ! but C'mon , who needs Ms universe now ! I need someone can cook for me ! clean the house !! etc...and if he chose her to be of that type at the beginning , he would later on complain of her cookin smell ! her nasty look ! whatever and go lookin for Ms Universe ! This is man for me !! and he goes on and on ! and he never feels satisfied ! content !

Throughout his marriage , I dont mind him to stop ! take a decision ! talk it out ! and decide not to go on ! admit it ! and tells his partner that he doesnt want to go on ! or at least he is not satisfied with one woman only in his life and needs to have another ! in this case, she has all rights then to go on or step back.
thats the minimum he can do ! and he should leave her the decision , and he should be givin her all rights too ! but it shouldnot be NEVER a cheat on one's back ! never !! that is mean ! thats cheap ! thats one thing I cant fnd a proper word for !

So, if you man canot think twice before goin after your instincts..if you cant think of your family , your wife , your kids , morals.....whatever that should prevent you from takin sucha step ! you lose then ! coz you cant keep that faithful wife anymore, you cant gain her respect ! not anymore ! you cnat ask your kids to love you ! you cant ask for love from anyone ! not anymore !
and almost in all scenarios ! you feel the fault once your wife gets to know about it ! just then ! and you say sorry and give excuses and try to make it up ! and suddenly , you find out that you cant live without your wife and kids and that other woman was just a "nazwa" as you men love to call it more often ! as if women should by then be understanding and eat it !! bala 2araf !
and the funniest thing , that once you feel your wife is eating it and everything goes back to norm " which never happens as I hv seen in cases around , there is always bitterness that cant be burried in "..elmohem, once for you everything seems to be okay , and your wife forgot about that "little " thing you once did to her, you go back again on HAUNTING !!
What do you call that ?? you never learn ? Do you ?? and again cant find a proper word describing you then !
And what really kills , that he starts on blamin it on her ? and starts on sayin bullshit ! and he makes it sound as if she asked him to go and see another ! and whats more sad , that if one of the family members knew about it ! they will start givin HER the lessons of bein a wise wife and how to protect her house and husband ! and it sure was her fault that he was playin around !!
sick community ! sick you who think in such a way ! even when He is the one to blame you dont forget to blame it on HER instead !! how ugly is it !!
and I wonder if that woman you left your family runnin after will give you that love you dreamed for ! if it will last for extra months than supposed ! know as much as I know the loss you gained and who is the loser indeed !
so you gotta think twice before you go and play around , you gotta think twice of the consequences ahead. and why dont you think of it on a religious way though ? that,it is 7aram !and what goes around comes around !!

And I wonder,if it was SHE , cheatin on him , would he take it ? would he accept it ? would he forgive ? would he go on and pass it without ever mentionin it in any fight later ? will he forgive that his wife was there in an affair with another ?? I doubt ! so why do you ask for forgiveness if you yourself cant give it in return ??
Dont ask for smth you cant give back !
And I believe , Religion prohibited it for both , to have a whatsoever called on other's back ! and the punishment is clear on that ! for both genders it is the same ! so why the hell the community is accepting it for men and just can not if it comes to women ?! this is not an invitation for both sexes to go do whatever !I am just mad at the community and society that let one live the way he wants , deal the way he likes, fool around and by end of day , community is proud of him coz he is a MAN !and MAN can do whatever he likes ?!? msh keda bardo !!

Their mothers are proud of them coz they had girlfriends at the age of 10 " and maybe less".
If you read the book " The poison tree" by Marwa Rakha, you will find what I am talkin about here, it is mentioned there in her book detailed ..the community helped in raisin our men the way they are now ! so I think we can not complain about it ! we hv to eat it then.

But you, mothers,young ones specially,you still have the chance to correct that..
please,do what it takes to save the coming generation from the posion we live in and hv to drink of.
DO your role in raisin good men , MEN in real meaning and manners not just in looks !
and Back to what I started my post with , all support to that little woman , whom I give my respect and prayers that she pass it soon..
and to you MAN , ra3ey rabenna fe meratak we 3eiltak, this quote is really meaningful for truly touches me , if one can stop and think of it before he steps in any stupidity! IF !

3mry, I know , you might be readin this as will at someday ! So ..I am askin you , not ever let me go through it ?! Please.. .You know, I will not be the one I used to be.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Regrets !

Regrets ! Regrets !
I am full of regrets
It hurts it aches
Is it my ever curse ?
It makes me feel haze
I am stuck in a big maze !
It causes a hell of pain !
It drives me insane !
It comes and goes leavin me in vain !
If I go back in time I sure would not go for that again !
Life will never be the same !
Regrets ! more Regrets
Nothing left to endure
No one I can trust
Nor to blame ! am all rust
Regrets and Regrets
life is passing by ..
Can I still make it ? or
Even be able to fake it ?
I am falling
I am calling
and again no one is looking
Regrets and Regrets
Have nothing left.

Whatever !

Whatever !
I really dont care ! whatever !
I dont give it a damn ! whatever !
Whenever! Wherever ! Whatever !
Do you really care ! You dare !
Whatever !
You are not even there !
Not willing to share !
Whatever !
Cant figure it out , coz You are almost OUT
Whatever !
Say it out loud ! Whatever !
Come ! Near to the ground ! Whatever !
Fly high ! say Goodbye ! whatever !
Walk around and mingle , how nice it sounds ! Whatever !
I preassume !! Ha ! Focus and Zoom !
Whatever !
I will walk away , am not willing to stay !
Whatever !
I will shut my ****** up ,was it ever enough !
Whatever !

Monday, December 1, 2008

The Illusionist..a really nice one

I just watched that one ! and it is interesting indeed..Edward Norton is doing another role brilliantly , I never doubted his talent ! and I dont know how I missed that one in Theatres ! But I am glad I finally had the chance to see it..
Illusionist is kind of movies will make you think,I recall when we used to watch David Copperfield performing his magical shows, it gave me same sense, yet it was different , interesting and makes you think of it..and you get way surprised by the ending . I really liked it indeed.