Saturday, June 11, 2011

the urge to TALK

Today , I felt like I am the only one FAT left on earth . and it felt so bad and so sad.
I gained so much weight lately , even if it was predictable , yet it wasnt really excused !
I always thought I will be able to lose those extra Kilos ! i will sure manage ! I have seen all others doing it so what will stop me !
and then since the cycle started ...I never got to reach the point of loosing weight.at least how it should pace.
I have tried so many times ! that I lost counting..I have tried and tried, and the more I tried the more I failed ! I was never a failer at that ! but the fact is I am stuck at home most of the day ! not doing my activities as used to ! not even excercising is putting a hell of weight too on my shoulders !
I wanted to buy a trademill , I even went to buy it like two times, and each time I was stopped for some reason , and now it seems delayed..for some time :S
offfff, you know how it feels when you dont feel good about yourself ? This is how I feel now
I was getting used to it I admit , though I never had in mind that I will. i was always reminding myself it is a phase ! I intended not to buy new clothes at first , in order to encourage myself to lose weight and be fit in my old ones..you know what ? I got more depressed and felt awfull That I have nothing that fits ! so I am stuck in only few chemises or so !
so I baught new stuff, and the more I buy the more I get used to it ! I never felt good about it amd today I just feel awful ! everyone's either slim or fit and me just like a fat old woman !
i hate it hate hate hate hate..and resent it here , hoping that would give amotive for me to act !
yes, I will try over and over again..I shouldn't quit that easily ..presistence ..
ohhh..just wish if I wake up finding myself lost those extra kilos..
I miss the way I looked , I miss my looks badly
I miss my clothes .
and miss that shopping where I can buy whatever I like and easily fits not looking for big sizes !
oh ! bad bad bad..and I see it gettin worse.
wish me luck , strenght..and...to be continued.

4 comments:

marooned84 said...

I don't think the treadmill will be the answer... get out and do whatever you used to do!

batates_777 said...

I wish if it's that easy !
I wish.

Crystal Lobna said...

I know, I wish it was that easy too.
but there is nothing we can do but hope for. Anyone will tell you that Losing weight is very easy, stop eating and exercise.
But how come when you try to do so , it never is. I guess it's because it takes sooooo long to happen . it's a hard long agonizing road.
Don't depress, your time haven't come yet. It need will power and high spirits. don't ever start dieting out of depression, cause diet make you even more depressed.
Am I making any sense ? guess am just ranting to myself . Just hang in there

batates_777 said...

Guess what ?,
I baught the treadmill like 2 months back , and I havnt used it more than 5 times I recall :S

It is psychological I guess !
something within had changed.

know that song : ana msh 3arefny ! ana toht menny !,,,irnoically This is how I feel now.

I still try to, I succeed and fail in the same month 3-4 times.
so I always reach step zero and seem like never been that far from there ..

I am cool , and will try to , over and over again.
Hope by next time, I would say , " I did it "..with no return.