Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Put yourself in my shoes !

I had a friend, whom I called a close friend. we used to do stuff together, we knew each for long.
I always loved being around her, we knew how to joke , laugh and do cry together.
along the way , there had been quite times when she seemed far away , and I was paying effort always to still see her and catch up with her. even if she always had her "nadala" though with me.
anyways, two years back, we lost contact..yeah we did. I was passing by hard times
and she was never there !
she knew I am angry and mad with her , and she never approached.
I heard she is too depressed to get in contact , although while checking on her on FB I always see laughs and travels. comments with : lets do this and that.
she was a live .I knew
she knew I was sad, depressed and in bad condition and yet she never did a step towards me.
due that first year , she visited me once, I didn't blame her much . as she was already aware of it, she didn't deny it. she came along witha common friend.and I found it is already clear enough that there is no need to blame, she admits it, and promised she will be there for me.
and then a yr and half passed with NO HEAR , like yes no Hear no call , nothing.
yet I see a lot of activities on the facebook.
Due that year and half, I called her adn asked to see her. and we did.
I blamed , I cried.I really wanted friends to be close as we used to be.
I needed them beside, I needed company ,
I talked and talked
talked alot.
she seemed convinved, and she did say all I wanted to hear then.
and later ,like we never talked,discussed,or whatsoever.
no hear no talk.
nothing.
then, I knew out of Facebook that she got engaged! yes, engaged without telling me. why shall she ! we havent talked for long !
I felt bad and sad.
for those friends we grew old with . for no one left to share a laugh or tear with.
for loneliness and badness it leaves ahead.
anyways, that common friend then asked me that I should congratulate her ! and 3eib w keda!
though I was totally against it ! like I only knew out of facebook ! howcome !
anyways, the moment I was about writing on her wall on FB , I couldn't find her! so I msged that common friend who told me , she de-activated her account.
I took it as a sign , and stood still.
sometime later , she did a broadcast of her new mobile number , which I never saved.
Yesterday , I heard again from that common friend who told me, that SHE is trying to get hold to me to invite me to her wedding ! yes wedding !
and I am not picking up ! I said I don't have her number, I found out that yes that number I dont know , had tried to call me once.
anyways, I argued with that common friend, that I shouldn't go anyway,that I am mad ! I am sad ! she 'd better not call nor invite ! I am not even there in her life in last 2 yrs ! she is as well !
why she would bother to invite me " 3ashan yeb2a 3addaha el 3eib ".
although that common friend fully convinced of my reasons , and right to be sad and mad with her
she still sees I should go share her happiness with her ! and be there for her !!
Oh My ! how come ?! talkin to an angel you !! no ! I am human !!
as much as I used to miss her , I even had a dream of her night before , yet I can't stand seeing her afce now, not even believein any of her bullshit ! whatever !
if she was never there for me in my hardest times ever ! why shall i be theer for her !
if I can't be that angelic human ~ I do have the right to be only Human !!
I am sad that this is how it ended up with ! I am in a bad neeed for those who ever knew me truly and been friends with me for long !
yet I can't handle not being close not even there for 2 yrs and then you ask me to just FORGIVE ! and FORGET !
it is not forgotten nor forgiven !!
No.
yet , I would ask you , what would you do if you were in my shoes ?
at first , I don't think I will be calling her back, I didn't have her number saved.
yet that friend will tell her that I knew, but better say I didn't have it saved.
what if she calls back ?
shall I pick up ?
what should I do ?

8 comments:

Crystal Lobna said...

I might come off a little hard, but that is just because I believe that friends are their for rainy days, not sunny ones. I can easily forgive someone when they are not their when am all happy and fine. but it's when am sad ,depressed and in a hard place in that time I find that people who are their are my true friends.
That being said I know that she probably is not a bad person, just a bad friend she knew what you needed and what you expected but she couldn't come through and the longer she didn't call the harder it got. so she didn't. She doesn't want to be your friend again, she just wants to invite you to the wedding and I don't even think she cares whether you came or not. she for ones doesn't want it to be her fault.
My advice. don't call her , if she did pick up and tell her you will try to come to the wedding but you don't really think you can.
And of course don't bother going, cause it will hurt so much if you did, sorry for the long comment

batates_777 said...

You read my mind !
I didn't want to post it ahead , not to cause any biasing..but here I see it written infront of me ! well said ! just exactly how I see it Feel it..and think will be dealing with it !
friends in need , friends indeed.
I liked that part : "she probably is not a bad person, just a bad friend "..that made it ease on me that I should get rid of the Idea that we are "close friends", no we not ! even if we hv long history ! shared a lot ..yet that doesn't make you a "close friend ".
I am glad that I finally found someone encouraging not going, as I was faced by a lot saying I should !!
Thank god you came by today.
Thank You

Crystal Lobna said...

You are Welcome
I am Glad I was of Help

batates_777 said...

Hey Girl :)
As an up date for the case, she did call yesterday , and I was too far to the phone so she was hang up already before I reached the phone.
I did call back, didn't want it to be taken against me, I played the cold and cold, and she tried to be cool as well,
she started with apologies and admitting of her fault.yet I was like, drop it now , no need to talk it out now, elmohem your wedding and so.
she was like no Toz fel wedding, I need to solve it out, i am late I kow, but whenevr your late it ,it feels much harder to solve it n takes much longer..I cried
yes,I did..yet I didnt feel okay.
she tried , and I blamed a bit , as I said no need to blame,I understand all the shit you been through, "in mind too I recalled all the activities I saw online of goin out , travellin n so.."
and I had my share of shit too !
she said she wont give up on me, n she will call back,n will do her best to solve it out,
i said insha2allah...was still crying in fact.
Thats it.
it felt worse at time of that call.
but later on , i think i felt better ! that I finally heard her voice with that apology comin in , and I wanted to believe that she didnt mean to and she wants to hv us back as good friends at least.

I am not determined of what I am gonna do
I dont even think about it
so my next step is not even clear
yet I admit, it feels good today.

Crystal Lobna said...

I don't think you need to decide right now, as long as you got your Long waited for apology.
But do what ever you want, and whatever that feels right

batates_777 said...

couldn't agree more.. that's what I do have i mind in fact.
I wait and see .who knows !

Brownie said...

Batates_777:
Don't go of course, I would not go or even call her, but I will pray for her bas.
I would delete her number, remove her from facebook and completely erase her from my life

batates_777 said...

wallahy I am gratefull I have this blog ! coz simply I am receiving the answers I wanted to !! despite the ones I get in real ! just the opposite !
since that call anyway , she has not tried ,and I hvnt been thinkin either ! as I mentioned in last update, seems I felt better for having that apology and that's it.
yet I still think same as you did.
it is still to come in Jan .so yeah,still hv time for it.
who knows!