Sunday, March 10, 2013


I need to confess ! Not that kind of big confessions that brings everything upside down! Or blows the world into pieces ! Nah ! That kind sort of simple confession that I need to throw away ! Away your way. That you sometime have a chance to see it or read it and know how important you were to me while I was only something to you.

I have always loved you and never ever hated you! Never doubted my love to you nor questioned my anger though.that is my confession,see how simple it is !

I see dreams that I call nightmares that I don't feel quite well with ! That kind of dreams that leaves your body in struggle and suffer all day! That you have a headache all day long with painkillers only adding up pain into your whole system. I am optimistic though! Yet they keep on attacking me , not to lie to you I feel sometimes they hold a message underneath! That I would be dying soon.yes,that is how I feel or see! I am trying not to exaggerate but yet this is how I currently feel.I tried to skip this feeling ! We all gonna die one day , why do we fear death anyway! I am not ready as many of you might feel too ! Anyways not to bring it this way of readiness or not but back to my confessions and that what I have always wanted to say to you is " I have always loved you" deep and warm .big enough that I was ready to do anything in the world to you! You were my first love ,first in everything and you were the Father to my son " I might have not told you about this part dear reader , that I have become a wife and mom"but to cut it short I am now. I have been through a lot which kept me away from being in sync with my news , but to tell you the truth it wasn't as easy as I ever thought it would be. Anyways back to my confession , my love. And thats what kept me hurt all that long , that I didnt find you in places you should have been fulfilling nor found me in your kept me away,far enough that I always thought there is a big gap between us.even if we tried to get closed there was always an ice barrier,I have tried my best to break the ice and you tried your best to set it in place.

The reason I am writing this now that I feel insecure,the world is falling for me, accompanied with my scary dreams or nightmares whatever they are , my perfect soundtrack now is Adele's skyfall!

I just wanted to tell you that i have always loved you , as you would never know or feel how much I did ! I have been always keen to keep you in my life! Even if we were sometimes discussing to drift apart! That was my only way left to keep you close ! Your absence,long hours away! Your ignorance, not having me in each tiny detail not even close! Always  think it is me , whatever really ! Not really discussing this now! If you feel that would be your last msg I wouldn't risk wasting in in bickering nor on blame ! I would only say how much I did love you ! And how always wanted you close and happy! How always thought we can make a perfect partner to each if we just listen and do ! I have always thought how fragile my feelings were to you! Were like a plant that needed to be watered and sunned but in many times you forgot to pour some-water on it for days and sometime long.

I do love you and do wish we had lived a perfect life! I ever wanted to and wished for.

You might question what is the about ! Believe me ,me myself don't know!  I just wanted to say smth that you remember me with someday ! If you ever had the chance to read me.

And ask you a favor though, to take a good care of my kid ,naive me to ask such a favor! But I am stressing on it ! Coz I have seen good men their lives turn over after their wives leave! And of ourse drifting their kids' away too,so as much as you love him ! And as much as you ever loved me ! To ever take care of my kid ever after . I now feel I am done !just likeone of those old movies where the actor does this and then swallows all the pills of his meds and put his head on his desk or his bed and the sheroe comes after asking for his name to find him already dead!

Have no clue what is that about !only smth Been in heart and mind! For quite long now And had to be written down.

I Confess.

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