Thursday, February 26, 2009

Ode to my mother

I am not writing this as a contribution to mother's day which is on March, 21st ! ,no ! , I am doing it coz I feel I owe it, yes I owe mom this one, and I do wish if I can do more than a post !

Ironically,I wasn't on good terms with Mom neither dad when I was young ! especially in my teenage ! actually It was horrible for me. That I always wished that I can escape home or if I just grow old and move out !...that was my wish back then! and it lasted for quite long !

I can't deny how understanding they were trying though, how many privileges I also had ! but I was always concentrating on what I lack !

I still recall the arguments we had over the curfew! and how I had it starting at 9ish then to 10 , reaching the 10.30 "and it was like 2engaz that half then " ,and when it was upgraded to 11 , and how finally I have no curfew ! I have seen it all and I still recall !
I still recall the fights over the curfew and me being home late always! with 5 minutes to 15! and how I can be grounded for those few minutes I was late for ! I too recall that I sometimes had to play with the clock which is located behind the door step :)) I always make it less in 15-20 minutes which I am always late with :)

I recall those things and laugh now, but back then ,it was a nightmare! I still recall my fights over traveling alone with friends, I even still do the first time I went out to movies with friends.
I can't deny that I was getting in away or another what I was really looking for ,but it was always accompanied with a fight or pretty zannnnn :)

I always felt there is a huge Gap between us, I know each teen feels so,but I was kinda feeling it doubled ! and I was always looking for more ! especially I was doing well at school, I get high marks ,and I do not misuse their trust ! I was always a model in that ! so I always thought it is my right to do whatever as long as it is not wrong and I am trustful ! and I never got the worry-ness argument back then, especially I was doing all rides by cabs " so when I think of it now, I think they had a right to worry about me" yet they shouldn’t ban me.

anyways,that's not what I wanted to talk about in first place! I am going off topic now :) I may talk about that stage of my life later on, but I needed in fact to mention it a bit coz I need " not to apologize" coz I was never rude though , I was always a kind daughter too ! " I have all the space to talk about myself then and none will disagree :)

anywayz , when I recall that now and put it inline to what I feel and see now ! I really laugh!
coz I have changed not 180 though, but I grew up , and my feelings towards two specific persons ,Mom and Dad ,had been completely changed !
it went from the desperate me looking to leave home , to a creature living with her parents and misses her mom like hell when she is not home!

Mom is on travel now , and yes I miss her like hell ! I miss the warm mommy hug , miss her good morning kiss, and miss her checking on me every once in awhile, fixing my tea and coffee..
cooking my favorite meal " melokheyya " especially for me ! and she do a great pasta too with meat balls...she is a great cook !...I love whatever she comes with !
she still do all home stuff including mine ,she fixes my stuff ,and washes my laundry. am a spoiled kid! I have been always though !

but before I was taking it for granted ,and never stopped to feel it the way I do now but now things have really changed !
As much as I once wanted to leave home as much as I want to live with mom a whole life ! " you may have noticed that I amn't talking about Dad that much! I know, firstly this post is dedicated to mom..secondly , I love mom much more than dad ! I think he knows it ! I try sometimes to fix it ! but I can't help it! I love mom to an extent I can't figure it out!

I miss her texting me when I am out to ask me to buy her smth "though years back I used to complain about that " , now if she doesn’t do so , I either call her to make sure she doesn't need anything or I just surprise her with something she likes, chocolate for instance.

I miss her hug and her jokes then :) ...when I am blue, she senses it though I try my best to hide it, yet she knows it and then she does her best to comfort me ,and get me out of my mood ! without over asking on the reason behind it !..and keeps smsing me with jokes or mother request to cheer up :).. she is Kind " the word is not even close to her kindness"..she is warm..she is a real mother "don't think I am a lonely child! no, we are ??..?? more than two :) "..yet she is giving us all same care ,love and tenderness "though people who know us always joke about her being over giving to me and Bro than other siblings,and I say no! she is not giving in equal , but she surely does give great amounts to each,that each one of us is in deep love with her".

I love you mom, I love you in a way I never thought I can do ! I love being the center of your life , I love the feeling that your whole life revolves around mine !
I love being spoiled by the endless love and care that you do !
I was always thinking of un-conditional love ! and the love you do goes beyond!
I was always complaining about taking things for granted ! and I am sorry I once did so!
I miss you mom , hope you come back soon,that I close my eyes to open on your voice saying good morning and your hand playing with my hair.

I miss you mom when it is night, and you come check on me in bed ,and make sure I am well covered and tied up in bed ,and then kiss me goodnight and turn off the TV and lights.
I miss watching TV with you ! and keep asking you about those actors, show presenters ..whatever ...the thing is I never stop asking we khalas! and keep distracting you from your Noor !! the one series I amn't following and will never do.

I know you are praying for me even when you are away ! you always do...and I love taking the major part of your prayers too,as you always say..I love the feeling that you know there is someone in love with you no matter what you do, and even if you are on bad terms with him he will still love you and pray for you...This is more than love, I miss you mum !

Mom is always giving me the feeling of everything will be alright ,only leave it in god's hands..she has faith , and I love the spiritual she.

I love you mama , I think I have been using the three words recently , I say it out, but you have no idea how much I do mean it !
I love you ,and I wish you come back home safe.

Ommy , I am sorry if I ever did anything wrong to you.I am sorry if I ever upset you ! I am sorry if I sometimes disagree with you ! I am sorry if I can't show you how much I love and need you ! I am sorry if I wasn’t as good as I should be to you !

But, I do love you my great mother , I miss you ,miss everything about you.
I appreciate your existence now more than I ever did before , and I appreciate everything you do to me ! I am grateful and thankful for having you in my life, and as long as I live I will too keep praying for you , my lovely mama.
May Allah saves you and protect you , and keeps you safe and healthy.

And just before I go, there are a couple of songs I want to share with you.
First one by : Marcel Khalifa, and it is about mother,he talks about her love to his mother and how he misses her..I still recall when I been to Marcel's concert when he was then here in Egypt and how that song touched me back then.

Second song is : Mama said by metallica ..used to be a favorite song to me too.

With all love to mummy...warm hugs and kisses are sealed and sent to you mamma :X


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