I believe in : a friend in need is a friend indeed !
What if I don't find my friends when I am badly in need for them to be around ??
I address the same question to myself , am I there for them when they need me ??
I been through hard times recently , and only few names I can mention who been there , and they were like doing the show face !
And the rest ! No show at all !
I give excuses all the time, I don't enjoy giving excuses to close ones, especially when it is like I am damn sure they have no excuse ! But I still do and try to play the understanding.
However, this time ....I am sorry.... I am not....I gave up that boring UNDERSTANDING game!
I ran out of all excuses , I can't find you any ! I am sorry ! I can't feel good about it , and can't even blame it on you, inspite the fact that I sometimes blame it on myself ! Yes, being that easy going with them, understanding, flexible and in so many times I just go off my way to meet up with them !
How many times did I call and got rejected in return ? "I know that I do too , but it is most likely as an answer to your previous rejection"
How many times I asked to go out and talk to catch up and so ? and how many times you said you are busy and already have plans !
How many times, you ditched me simply for other ones ?
I can't count the times I found them around me when I really needed them ! They are too few to be memorized !
On the other hand ,I still recall what I simly do !
I am no angel and they are no devil !
They are my friends and I truly love them, I love them even if I receive nothing in return as in unconditional love !
I hang out with them, we get along , I travel still with some of them, we have fun, we laugh , and sure we share lots of things,we have memories, history...But with no present.
I did the blame thing, over and over, that I am sick of doing it again ! With no joy..
I will not blame anyone, not anymore.. I will just take decisions and will not show up again !
I wish I can ! But I know I just can't !
I love them still, but I am sad....I will not blame I will not complain !
It aches that we get apart ! it aches when we are drifting away !
it reminds me of the No Doubt song ! Don't speak !
You and me
We used to be together
always I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believeThis could be
the end It looks
as though you're letting go
And if it's real Well I don't want to know
You know the strangest thing Ever , that those ones you least expect to be there for you, those are the ones who are really there !!
I had that friend who been calling to check on me on a daily basis while we actually were not in touch in years !
I look at myself and think , I paid my dues ! Yea, I think I did ! And you just can't be giving all the time, I too need to take ! As much as I am afraid that I lose them !
I know we become different !
yes, Big differences we have ! yet we still get along !
Why it ended up that way ? Though we were really close and so ?
I have plenty of reasons in mind I am tired of saying them out , maybe I would do someday in addition to the differences we have ! , but today I will just keep my mouth shut and not even complain nor to blame!
But I know that I miss my friends and really wish if I have them There!
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands I sit and cry !
P.S : I was trigerred by my best friend's call , who just did to ask me to join her going to some concert in coming few days ! though she wasn't there recently ! by no means !
and she knew about the thing that went through ! yet she was not there ! not even by phone !
Though I been around her recently ,not doing any talk in fact as she was doing all the talk and she was enjoying keeping me listening ! and she forgot to ask during her Loooooong talks of any thing related to me ! she wasn't even interested ! she enjoyed Talking and Talking ! she didn't even check on me in any of those 4 times we saw each in a row!! however, I didn't complain about listening ! I am a good listener by nature....but please, no more talks!
Don't speak !