Sunday, June 8, 2008

Am I Growin UP ???????

Am I ??? sure we all do..thats nt the question really..However , we all grow in age but do we in mind ? mentality ? way we consider things ? way we judge ?...etc...

Do we grow up in the sense which strikes me when i am sayin it out now , are we turning out to be the mom-dad model you always " hated / disliked / never wanted to be" at sometime !!! do we!!

when i apply it to myself i find myself amazed ,shocked n maybe in denial ! yea i am..
u know why ! coz i hv always thought that we hv a huge gap btw our generation n theirs ! though they were nt that narrow minded ! nor those of followin some religious / political / they were mostlikely like every egyptian family..which was ruled by traditions and customs....though themselves were against same rules they are tryin to apply on us now! when they were back at our age !! Hey...those used to wear sharlestone pants and mini skirts and do the hell 50's 60's fashion styles !! this is life i know..but wat shocks me really that i never thought of changin my mind bout specifc things n here i find myself totally followin the opposite !!

let me explain it..i always thought i am open minded,,i never judge anyone by his looks or watever,,,wat counts for me is the way he /she deals with me..n thats it..other than that ..its non of my business..i still follow this..but let me continue,,,moreover,, i never criticised anyone ! " as much as i can bardo :) bs mostly i dont ...i always follow khaleek fe 7alak we fe nafsak we maksh da3wa "..anywayz....i also never say those are exceedin the limits ...i never go against the clean fun mainly..which could be out of music / clean parties /........
i was mainly lookin 4 places where the crowd head to..i was enjoyin more a place full of teenagers than of old ppl..
anyways..lately i found out..that imnot into teenagers places as i usd 2 say !! bel3aks i avoid bein around their places now ! they cause me headache ! they do with their loud voices and their looks..the way they show off ..its just nt my place anymore...seems like i was afraid to say it out that ppl think im old ! imnt old am still 28 !..but i hv t0 face it am not the teenager anymore !! yet i am not that old ! i still enjoy the crowded places but it cant be my always hang out !!..i need a place where i can sit ,, hv a talk to afriend n i can make listening too !! i need to enjoy the coffee maybe with a book to read !! which is hardly you can find here in cairo with all the places full of teens doin nthin but swearin at each ! u see i started to judge :)..i dont mean it really ..but thats what i meant when i started my talk , that we grow up..n change in mind without we even noticing this change !! n u sometimes when you come to face it ,,you may get afraid of bein an odd ! or maybe you r bein OLD ! i dont care if you teens will call me sure im old for you ..and i amnot sad anymore when i sit next to old ppl ! at least i can listen to some good decent talk ...which is usually 3n 7al el balad ! wars ! politics !..which i find myself very amusing...

it doesnt mean i dont enjoy the music / moviez / social talk..i sure do ,,but it is not my 1st thing anymore..or maybe its like a talk u do once a week n then u hv other things in life you can do !

i cant be spendin a whole 3-4 hrs aday in order to get dressed up and go sit / stand infront of coffee bean ! this is ridiculous ! am done with this stage...yeah am done ! i sure am..

you know , i recalled now myself 15 yrz back when was the most thing you can do is dressin up and go to club !! why would ppl dress up n go to club " this is how i see it now "!!!!!! i wear on my sports wear n thats it..otherwise it could be any simple thing ! cause im goin to club !! its nt a night spot !!! when you think of it now you may laugh,,but time back then that was our hang out so we hd no options :)

Same thing when you go for any summer place //northern coast for instance//marina as all head to //..and you now might be lookin 4 some deserted hardly find one,,but its like you WISH you find someplace not that noisy ,full of teens !..u need a place where you can sit ,swim n relax...which is smth u hardly can get there unless you go for any other place on the coast than marina..
You see,, you grow up in terms you dont stop at in so manytimes but when you think of it you ll know that u do ! or may be u know already and you cool with it ..but what if you not cool with it ! meaning u always knew you hate quiet places..coz ur parents for instanc were always lookin for quiet u know u hate quietness..and you grow up and you find yourself enjoyin more the quiet places yet your brains are givin u the signal ! nah..u cant be like them ! you cant turn out to be your parents ! a copycat of them ! the 2 you most had arguments n fights with in whole life! u just cant turn out to be just like them !!

can you hear voices like that ?!? maybe itsnt quite clear in the quietness example...but if u look around ,, maybe you find it then clear...maybe its nt there in yur life ! maybe...

and afterall, i didnt mean that you be in struggle with your inner voices and your real life as much as i needed to clarify the growin up issue ....

its all about growin up...we sometimes are afraid to take it,,coz we yea as like old actors//actresses do by the end of day we dont want 2 grow in age ! we wish if we stay in 20's max early 30's..but goin thrugh 40's....its scary i least for now,,,but akeed time we get there we ll know we just scared about nothin..its all numbers :)..and i hv always the best thing is to enjoy its stage with wat it takes...enjoy your skool yrz.your graduation..your new job..your new love..your new commitement..your marriage...your havin a new baby born...your kids r growin ...your kids are graduatin...your kid comes over n tells you Pa ana hatgawez :)) so you kick his ass and hug him and you not so sure if u happy that he is or u afraid that u r gettin more old n u might be havin grand children,,,,,, is full of stages actually..and the worst thing when you get stuck in one phase and cant cant spend your whole life goin to skool for instance ! but you need to enjoy each phase and dont miss it or let it passby ! coz you will later regret it !!!.you get what i mean i guess !

n this is growin up grow through diff stages n know how to enjoy each and hv fun out of it ! this is growinn up...u know we used to hv a mail fwded like those of mail chains we get all the time, it was about growin up..and it hd many ideas about enjoyin the silent quiet places..and so many things which can tell that you r growin....

I grow up..i am afraid i turn out to be someone i never wanted to be..cant hide it,,i hd to admit it,,, i always thought that i hv a so open mind, n today i found out i criticized some ppl ,for something i used to think is fun !! am nt happy about it !! not happy about criticizin them maybe ! about me not in luv with wat they do maybe ! that im growin up !maybe! that i dont enjoy what they do maybe ! coz i want 2 do it again >>>?? i doubt it !! i amnt there anymore !!,coz they see me as an outsider now !! i doubt it ! coz i dont really care !!, i dont enjoy everything ppl do..and i dont care ....not anymore !!....wat counts wat i believe in might be different in an hr ! it might get changed tomorrow !! it might turn out to be like parents take it ! whatsoever..I DO NOT CARE..this is me....and this is how i think of it now..

and i dont like what they do..and amnt afraid that i will be so called old-fashoioned! amnt afraid i wll be demodee ! ! ! screw 'em if they cant take a joke :))
anyways..i think i needed to state it and say it out loud.
I am growin up , cant deny it sometimes it scares me off !! yea it does..but as we agreed on previously..Enjoy it..learn how to luv your life and enjoy it..n live it dont hv to be a copycat of one !! you dont hv to khalesss...actually plz try to stop it ! livin anothers life ! coz you ll wake up someday findin out you not him and you hd been fooled !! actually its you who fooled yourself not anybody else !!...just try to be yourself..the most common sayin we do say reminds me whenever there r 2 in a new relationship,,the most common thing ppl say to each of them..just be yourself...

anywayz..its gettin dark,,n need to sleep order to grow up"as per docotrs saying :)) kollo fe sa3at el noum beta3et beleil...le ra7a aktar pampers":))

Grow up..but it sa7 .

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