Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Do You believe in Friendship btw Man and Woman???

The Question might sound naive at first ...but when You come to think of it or apply it on your life you will be surprised of what you ll see !! and before I just start I might remind you with the famous sitcom" Friends "....You recall how close they were in freinds..and how was it like when everybody was hittin on Rachel ?? and when Monica and chandler started to date ?? and how it went to when Joey started to hit on Rachel too...and before n after they all were FREINDS !!! Do you really believe in that ? and what is the definition of freindship for you ? and how far could it go ?? what are the limits ? and is it okay to hit on your best friend ? why not !!! coz you are freinds !! you are like brother n sister !!! then why yes !! coz he is the only one on earth that understands me !..ohhhh...what a struggle...so You think there is a friendship in 1st place ? Do we call it so coz we failed to go further with it ?? and at anytime there is a possibilty to go further with it ??....what is it really like..am confused !.

lets start it over...at early ages , school ages , I would say it is fine ,and its there..that PURE friendship btw girls and boys..thats why my parents never argued about me playin with boys relatives till i got 7 or 8 ..this is when they started to ban me from doin it anymore !! and started to mention boyz should be freinds to boys and girls are only friends with girls. and specify that frame...and since they never really got the male-female relationship !!!

Some could get into a relationship at that early age ! but I am to talk about the normal thing which comes during the teenage yrz or maybe later..and mayebe NEVER...However, I believe that friendship works for the most of ppl at this early age...coz mainly this is when BOTH are pure and mainly no hidden intentions..
So , up to 14 hmmm maybe more maybe less, can not specify exactly...but up to that age , friendship is there ....but as soon as Girl starts to feel for boys and start to feel herself growin and becomes a woman ..and as soon as Boy starts to feel he is man and starts feelin for girls..here where I think we STOP and the equation holds other factors other than that old pure friendship...

This is when we question : do you still think that they both can still be friends ??

I think if they are still in the teenage phase.where both not lookin for commitement and both not mature enough..and it is like an adveture for them , so i think they might keep their friendship as long as the girl is not feelin for her male friend and same vice versa.. a question pops up again ? why she didnt feel for him in 1st place or he did for her ?? for no chemistry ? coz she was already in luv with someone else ! coz he doesnt want to lose her ?? coz they are like brother and sister !! not quite clear at that age..honestly I cant tell myself coz i never been through it at that age..neither I hd a male friend nor been in luv .!

Ages go further and here we come 20's ,30's ..which is my main concern for this topic now...do you still think that freindship thing still works here !! betweem a man and woman ??
Both at their most peaks...both are lookin for love...commitement maybe..she is always lookin for the one , and he might be playin around or too lookin for his one...so you still think the friendship still works ??

for most of cases I saw myself , it didnot work fine...though it was friendship with no hidden intentions , yet it didnot work..and for so few ones it is workin pretty fine .

Freindship... both mainly do not feel for eachother, they can talk and listen...share ideas..agree on stuff and disagree too...and they two respect each..and they know how to deal with that other as if he / she really is her bestfriend ..they deal as if they are one of same sex with no desire for each..no interest...just friends...
The question is how many are up to have it this way?? with no hidden intentions ?? how they keep it that way ? and how did it reach here ??..

Man and Woman mainly will be lookin for each all time , so maybe when i dont find the ONE at first , I will start lookin for alternatives whom will be Friends ?!? and maybe I find my match and I still hold on to my freinds ? and still gain more?? does it matter who comes first ? the One or Male friends ??...is it okay that you got your ONE and still buildin friends of opposite sex ??
You think that community sees it okay ?? or they will call you cheatin on your spouse's back ?? and why are you still lookin for that close friend of opp sex after you settled in?? Your One should be that close friend.....he/she should be the closest.

What if that was not the case ? meaning...he /she used to have close freinds of opppos. sex all life , and they are truly friends..and that friend could be even married and his wife/ her husband is a friend to him / her...what if they really can make it ?? it is complicated i know ..but in so few cases they can work it out...so should they let go of that close friend just coz he / she of opposite sex??
but you know when i look closely at it ! and think why man is lookin for woman even if he is already in a relationship and maybe married ! i think it could be human nature! that you are always lookin for more! and lookin for friendship ! and maybe lookin to build up relations still with opp sex! !
still i believe we should prevent having those relations at so many times !!, So is nt that bad till cheatin starts to happen !.coz I believe such relations give room for cheating....you re mad with your spouse so you run to that close friend who is there for you n always listenin ..understands you...comforts you..so you might at the verge of breakingdown you start fallin for him though you never did before !! and he was always there even before your spouse exisited!!but remember he is so , coz he is not in a relationship with you..and if he is ! he sure would be someone esle !other than that so overwhelming friend ! so beware of how you see ppl !! and how you see your male /female friends..

I really do not know ! it is so relative..can not be generalised...yet I wish If I can get some Rule to it..and I just know It wont.

But You know, if you have a friend of opp sex and he is just a friend ,and you sure of it , and you got into a relationship with another ,,so three of you should be standin on same grnd and rules..either you start havin 3 of you as friends and always see that friend around your partner and no 3 of you are really cool with it....otherwise this relation will not go on..the friendship or you with the partner...coz you will not be able to hold on to it with both not feeln comfortable around eachother ,there will be someone lost here.

Yet, I still appreciate the friendship concept, and always think it is great having frenz around you , and a bunch of friends not only 1 or two..i love having it mixed...coz this is life,consists of males and females...but to hv a close male friend ! i learned it is hard to do now..it is not lack of male friends or they are not worthy ! non...just coz my partner is not comfortable with it..and he has the right to..and he comes first , not for the title only ,but also for the role he plays in my life....and if he were ever okay with it , I wouldnot take the friendship thing that far ! meaning i would hv kept it up to limits ! and providing that 3rd one is involved in my life in a clear frame for me and my partner...coz i hv seen so many taking it far away beyond that...
And When I come to think of it , and switch places with my partner..I think i ll be jealous enough to let my partner go out and talk on the phone for hrs with his best girlfriend ! though i am sure they are friends,,but it is just human nature too..jealousy...but i would be okay if she is around us as long as i am there...maybe she turns out to be a good friend of mine ! i never know..but i know i wouldnot feel comfortable seeing him spendin hours with her alone !! again n again, i see this is the backdoor for cheating..
and away from one part is involved in a relationship...if both friends are single..i think there will be always a question infront of them ! why dont we try it ? give it a go ?as long as we know how to get along to that extent ! he is the closest person to you and knows all about you and you do too ! and you perfectly match !!!! everybody is askin us why we r not in a serious relationship ! they think we match !!..that question will be after them always as long as they are single..and themselves might consider it."remember Freinds "".and turn the friendship into a relationship and it comes to dating >>which happened in so many cases,, some failed and other worked fine , again no rule>>>..even if they break up , some are able to get back to friendship and others just cant..it is broken already..
ouffff, it is a dilemma ! dont you think..and always a relation between man and woman will be a riddle...and always there will be questions around it...I am not positive of any ! it could work and it could not !! No Clue.


Anonymous said...

hey batates...thanks for this interestin topic though um not sure that the "Non Arabs" will find it interesting too..may cause they 've passed by this issues ages ago..anyway..i just need to comment on a specific part.. "is it okay that you got your ONE and still buildin friends of opposite sex ??"....for me "IT'S NOT OK AT ALL" i cant accept the idea that wife/girlfriend has another man in her life even as a "CLOSE" friend ..my defenition for close friend is the one yo might share with him your secrets,your problems..even your thoughts..someone who knows almost everything about you...what about if they are seen together in public, it will give the wrong impression. If they are alone on the phone or in person, they will subject themselves to the temptation of an emotional affair..umnot talking about physical affair...Yes trust is a main issue in a marriage and keeping close opposite friends can certainly damage that trust.

batates_777 said...

Hi There...

replyin' to that part as definition of close friend..I might disagree with you , coz you might hv a close friend yet he doesnt hv to know all about you , you dont see him that often yet ! it could be once a month though !! i rarely see my closest girl frenz by the way !! we rarely talk on the fone ! yet we r close ! so it doesnt hv to be a daily routine..
and there are limits...its all about the limits you set and how far that freind of the opp sex will be close ...there r few ppl you meet and they worthy your trust and they yet dont hv to be there all time in ur life and neednt be around all day !! and they are only friends..
For the Part about seen in public ! I guess that part has been resolved ages back ! meaning a guy and girl can be seen at any public place sittin for coffee or lunch or smth !! it is not forbidden by community laws !! and even ppl are acceptin it !!..so if my husband / boyfriend is okay with it and he already knows about that friend ,so why not sittin with him in public !! as long as all with respect !!...You could be goin for lunch with your coworkers ! you could join your girl workin with you for lunch ! or a walk to grab a cab ! or to go the next supermarket to buy smth! do you call this seen in public too !!

Damo said...

hi Batates..
i think it's fine to have friends of the opp. sex, however make sure that they know/spend time with both you and your spouse. Don't have private chit chats or emails. If you hang out with this friend, invite your spouse and any signifigant other of your friend as well.

you need to be honest with your spouse that this is just a friend, that you want your spouse and your friend to know eachother as well.

batates_777 said...

Damo...I totally agree with you ..this is the optimum case for me , yet you can not always gurantee that your spouse and that friend will get along !!..this is one problem , its most likely they both not in good terms !! out of jealousy maybe comin from your spouse! maybe they not alike, two diff charcters!! donno...maybe things would be diff if that friend is already in a rel.,and they can bring him/her over...think then things would be okay !